I think about it often, that when people look at me in day to day life that they would never believe me that I am a beauty blogger. I don't have nice hair everyday and I barely wear makeup. I constantly think about makeup and looks but I just don't have the motivation to learn all the techniques. I'd rather sleep in an extra 15 mins than get up and put on makeup. I pin things I want to try on Pinterest that I might never do. There was once a time when I was "bored" I would play with makeup and my hair and take pictures. I found happiness in feeling like I might be pretty. Then something happens and I just don't feel like I can do it. I guess it's a side effect from all those years being told I would never be anything but an ugly fat unwanted girl.
I find myself jealous when I see girls with full lips. While they make wearing lipstick look so easy I find myself frustrated with my thin uneven lips. When I look in the mirror all I see is acne scars and an ever present redness to my cheeks. I remember all those times when the doctors said it was just my age and would go away. Well I'm only a few years from 30 and now my skin is marked from those years of acne when nothing I found helped and I still have constant battle with acne and blackheads. My eyelids are unlike all those beautiful ones you see on Pinterest and Instagram. I have to choose to wear shadow or eyeliner because if I have on eyeliner when my eyes are open you can't see anything else. Trying to learn smokey eyes and other awesome looking eye shadow techniques are basically useless. I find myself angry every time I think about it. My hair has been the only thing I have ever been proud of. It's been the only thing that I have received complements on through the years. Even that has been neglected lately and just thrown in a bun to only be released to adjust the bun or to wash it. I know I am not the only one that feels this way but I thought I needed to put it out there. So this is my first confession as an ugly beauty blogger.
I don't think you're ugly! But I will say that this is pretty much exactly how I feel about myself. Maybe you don't think I'm ugly but I certainly feel like I am so I understand where you're coming from.
ReplyDeleteI guess one of the reasons I finally wrote this is that I want others to know they aren't alone. I can also use this series to show my path to loving myself again, To change how I see myself in the mirror.
DeleteI think a lot of us have those insecurities but are too afraid to say them. I'm too fat, worried as I lose weight my wrinkles on my face will show up more, white with freckles and no tan at all, my hair grays faster than I can dye it. I feel like I'm going to be single the rest of my life. And, the same, an extra 15 minutes of sleep is more important than to put on makeup or style my hair. Why shop for cute clothing when I want to lose weight before I buy clothes.
ReplyDeleteRight! I want to fit so many cute clothes and can't so I just dont buy anything but maybe 1-2 items a year if that.
DeleteYou are not alone.
ReplyDeleteI only wear makeup if I am doing something special that day, like a concert, or a date, and might not be your typical beauty blogger either.
you are your worse critic, remember that.
All in this together.
High five to the thin lip girls for I am one too! Just looking around your blog...nice to connect!
ReplyDelete