Monday, August 20, 2012

A day in the life of an #abuse victim

So some time ago I did a post about abuse. I did my makeup for the photos for the post and left it that way all day and went around town. I had been planning this post about the experiences that I had that day but didn't write it until now.

I went about my day as normal acting as if nothing was on my face. It does seem that my makeup job was good enough to not only look real in photos but also in real life because people acted just as they would and had in the past to me. At work a co-worker came in for a half day and had missed me doing my makeup and the reason behind it. When I came back to my desk from break he saw the "black eye" and his face fell he immediately looked to one of our other co workers who had a funny look on his face and he just dropped to his desk rolling laughing. When I asked him why he was laughing he said it looked so real that it couldn't be real and the look on our other co-workers face just had him rolling. Now some might see this in a negative light but then you don't know me as well as 3rd shift. They know I am always doing something artistic or to speak out against things (another reason he didn't think it was real) which I haven't translated to the blog yet because I was afraid of the reaction I might get.  I went to get gas after work as I was on E and the cashier couldn't even look at me. She took my money and cashed me out, even wished me a good day, all while staring at her register never daring to look me in the eye.

I picked up my friend to do some errands as her daughter's 4th birthday was that weekend and she needed to purchase the cake and supplies so off to Walmart I went. Reactions at Walmart were just as expected. Some took one look and turned the other way,some laughed and pointed, and others just looked sad.

Someone asked me why (this was at work) I would do that to myself. I told them I was doing it one for my photoshoot, but as the day(3rd shift) went on and I decided to wear the makeup to force people to see the thing they don't want to acknowledge. Abuse victims are everywhere they can be standing next to you and you don't know it not all wear the marks on their skin. Unless you have been an abuse victim you don't understand what its like. A lot say why not just leave, unfortunately its not that easy. Maybe this will help you understand the thinking of an abuse victim. For example for those that have never been through this is Imagine one day you are told you have to leave everything you know. You can't take your kids (if you have any) You cant take your significant other and you can't tell them your leaving you just have to leave and you don't know where your going or how you are going to survive. Then you would feel (just from thinking about the above scenario) the panic an abuse victim feels when they think of leaving the situation. Usually the people in those situations are there because they have no where else to go, so to them leaving means starting from nothing and that is the most panic inducing thought for an abuse victim. I was lucky and kept my strong voice deep inside telling me to keep working to find a way to escape. I knew if I could find a job that I didn't have to rely on others to support me (which there wasn't any, or at least without leaving town/state) that I could get out and finally be free, but most aren't that lucky.

See link below to read my story.
Abuse: Its not an accident.
Abuse is never ok

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